Archive | January, 2010

deep (14 Jan 2010)

26 Jan

I am profoundly affected
only you don’t know
  you didn’t know

something deep inside
  detangles itself – collapses
because

you are toning, low earth notes
you are gifting Earth Mother’s
  vibration into my heart

I feel so … Held
  held in touch
  held in safe surrender

to the space existing between
  our bellies
  and own hearts’ opening

you are toning and I am in
  deep surrender, thank you
  for holding the space open

only … you don’t know
nothing has sounded from
  my lips, nothing is happening

in front of you, and you pull
  away, feeling unmet, feeling
I am holding on or holding back

an impatient stirring pulls you
  and in that movement
I am birthed and abandoned

I am shockingly naked
disorientated by aloneness
  something went wrong

  I am separate
  I am cold and burnt
  I am wombless

all agony surfaces
and I cry, loud and
  belly felt

I am a sight which you hold
You circle me again
The way Earth Mother always is

and I am rebirthed

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getting it true (14 Jan 2010)

26 Jan

can you say thank you, I ask
     (that’s not it)
are you hearing me, I correct
     (that’s still not it)

I want to be noticed, I state
     (this is getting closer)
I want to feel desirable, I cry
     (yes)

I’m scared of her
she asks so much of me
she takes up all my energy … and …

  I want to make love in every moment
     (no)
  I want to make love WITH every moment
     (Yes!)

Thank you for letting me get it true

walk with me, alone (7 Jan 2010)

26 Jan

wake up she calls
she calls me forward
see what I can create, with you
in a twilight thought for rest
in your power to manifest

walk with me alone

see with your soles
  touching me
naked toes resting and kissing
  the earth
lightly caress the air of existence
lightly feel my insistence

walk with me alone

for you, simply you
rest your mind, leave it behind
as a ripple on a still lake
leave it behind
and descend into my womb of creation
let me know your elation

walk with me alone

you know how sacred I am
you kneel and bow to my tree
you lie in my roots, hearing my hum
I AM Great Mother Earth
You are singing and remembering this
  magical birth

walk with me alone

dreaming (19 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

I almost remember
  like there’s one note in a symphony
  remembered by the tuning fork

or there’s one poppy bought
  on rememberance day
  and all other flowers loose their name

there needs to be a motif
  in this dream
  that will wake me up

something that I can hold
because that dream remembers
  who I really am

a pointer that points
  at itself
is a potent symbol

I wake up thinking there’s something
to remember, something
is asking me to know my dream

most intimately

final casa operation (19 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

I’m unsure why I got operated
on this time
I feel at full health
  cheia de graca

I’m boundless and bounding
full of life’s wonders and enthusiasm
I’m light on my feet and
  agile in mind

my heart is resting in the
  rose quartz
and dancing a pink glow
  into my neighbours

I see only flowers on their
faces, and oh how I adore
my husband. I must be
ready to give this energy

back, in service to the Casa
– maybe the Entities current
room, or let me rekindle with Grace
in the room of Operations

I can be humbled in there
anytime. (it’s not me after all, that
glows, it is God)
Just take me, I’m ready

and even my request
has surrendered to you
– proxima passo – what’s next?
for I am willing to Grace

And then you say ‘Operation
I laugh. This is hysterical. No!
it’s inconceivable. I’m ready!
I’m ready As Is! Come on!

See me as perfect!

Stop this continual tinkering!
really, I thought this was my week
to be of great servitude, not of
great solitude again

Yes … I see …
you are not the genie
make-three-wishes, kind
this is the mirror …

I have no more requests. I am ready to leave

my feline angel (15 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

a cat’s whisker passes me by
a second before I knew I needed
her; I spasm, inch myself to bed

my feline angel accompanies me
and composes herself on my covers
to stay the duration

she is next door neighbour’s
she is visiting
my hospital bed, all day if need

and need says yes
I, on my back, lie with her
she purrs and sleeps

with my pain
she tells me it’s alright
to lie in bed all day

at night she goes home
wishing me comfort
and she’s back the next day

early, climbs straight onto
my bed, I still have need of her.
I can pat her now, and

every time I pass my hand
over her full and nourished belly
I can feel the caverns of contentment

so completely sated in lying
in bed, in being adored
and knowing she’ll always, always

always she’ll be fed on time
this is my healing
I am touching cat consciousness

back (14 Nov 2009)

25 Jan

I thought I was going today
I was stepping through the door
  to find my way out

and yesterday I cried
when I said goodbye
I don’t think I’m ready

  but I’m leaving
there are adventures to
  show off

I was stepping out the door
and something collapsed
  around my heart

  supporting my breath
I am stabbed in the back
I’m demobilised, lying flat

unsure of my new mechanics
how do I move without
  any of my known functions

it’s safer
just to surrender to my bed
I’m needing here, severed memories

bind me to this place, the decision
was made for me –
I’m not leaving yet

I’m back, flat on my back and wondering what’s next?

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