the deepest you’ve ever been (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

you think you forgive
you think it ten thousand times
and say it aloud, a ritual
  of meaning

you think it complete and
true in your heart – I forgive
  you – it’s sincere, punctured
into so many prayers. You think
  you forgive.

Only, you know how every real
  estrangement feels
in every second of every prayer
how a lid contains the real pain

  that God is separate from me
  that Love is divided from me

this is the deepest you’ve ever been

because somewhere
  in one of those prayers
you find yourself
  defenceless

vulnerability that needn’t
  surrender because
  there’s nothing left
  to give or loose

you find yourself
  sad and worthless
  and shrivelling
in wonder at how much
  you deny

  God and love
and light and grace
and in that prayer
you find forgiveness is

  a by-product, an accident
that happens in love
  an accident destined
before you ever knew to ask

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