violation shared (11 Sept 2011)

9 Dec

At 14 she experience a kind of violence
that no girl should ever know.

There was alcohol and
a lack of adult supervision
and a boy
who wanted something
without asking first.

Did he feel entitled?
Did he see the pleasure
in front of him, like a skirt
riding shorter
as a means of relief
from his own loneliness?

Desire burnt away compassion
and at the expense of all else
he stole the gratification
of then and there.

Did he know in that short moment
his act would imprint a death
an aching loss
of breath, a hatred that would burn
inward and inward
until every cell poisoned itself
and her hair would hang limp
and her legs would bled
the damage.

Did he know she scratched her skin
knowing no beauty
and she hated the violence
like she hated the blood
from her womb.

She never forgave
She never forgot
She told the story
over and over to reference her pain
in this world like a marker on a map

She diminished herself and she forgot what she created.

She forgot, because she would not
have acted so violently
if she’d remembered.

Did she feel entitled?
Did she see the pleasure in front of her?
Like the answer to all her pain?
Her loneliness. The relief of
then and there. The gratification
of her dreams in that instant
burning away compassion.

Did she know in that long moment
her desires would burn a new death
an aching loss as a wedding ring
and a sacred promise fell off his finger
for good. Did she know she ripped
my womb from me? Did she know
the barren world she cast me in to?

Did she know she stole what was most sacred to me,

most fragile…

in marriage

But that hate had reason to return, those dark clouds lay in waiting and the shame brought
no light.

… I wonder why she could not have asked first
Why she could not have consented
to wait …

But she learned from violence
and she dropped those same
stones in the ocean. A tidal wave
is a tidal wave

and she is no better
or worse
that the man who wronged her.

She is oblivious in her
realisation of pleasure

because she has shown
she can do to others
what others have done to her.

the emperor’s cymbals (5 Sept 2011)

9 Dec

the body is taut, taut skin
he is waiting for my signal
arms lifted
full length and the emperor’s
cymbals are there, poised,
impending sound

he is waiting for my signal
a nerve taps in my ear

he begins
the sound of creation
the sound of death
tons of tones
and tomes

all matter disappears

city of eden (12 Aug 2011)

14 Oct

I am the city of eden
I built it all
to be a most fantastical

space, I believed it
was bigger than me
more robust, more substantial

than my existence, it was
an idea that carried
my inner sanctum

I gave it all the gravity
it needed to exist

I gave it everything
and when the tree dropped
it’s apple; my city of eden

the whole universe disappeared

city gale (12 Aug 2011)

13 Oct

I am walking
city gale
my eyes sting
red, my lungs
are screaming
a pack of dogs

strangers can’t see
the wind whipping
through me
killing the animal
that learnt how to love
and live in these streets

death meets us (12 Aug 2011)

13 Oct

I know death will meet us
in various guises
like cancer
or lies
or betrayal

at night (10 Aug 2011)

13 Oct

at night I can hear the stream
it pulls me back
no matter where I go
in my head

in my head
there is always the swirl and froth
or languid passing
of liter and debris

everything is on a journey
over clouds, we try to fly
always the sunrise disappears
or never ends

when I leave, when I leave
I hear my thumping heart
I feel my beating head
at night

if the stream were to stop talking
the ocean would know
its death

contract (Aug 2011)

7 Oct

What contract did your soul sign
that wanted to hurt me so much?

what love did I need
that could penetrate so deep?

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