Tag Archives: abadiania

final casa operation (19 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

I’m unsure why I got operated
on this time
I feel at full health
  cheia de graca

I’m boundless and bounding
full of life’s wonders and enthusiasm
I’m light on my feet and
  agile in mind

my heart is resting in the
  rose quartz
and dancing a pink glow
  into my neighbours

I see only flowers on their
faces, and oh how I adore
my husband. I must be
ready to give this energy

back, in service to the Casa
– maybe the Entities current
room, or let me rekindle with Grace
in the room of Operations

I can be humbled in there
anytime. (it’s not me after all, that
glows, it is God)
Just take me, I’m ready

and even my request
has surrendered to you
– proxima passo – what’s next?
for I am willing to Grace

And then you say ‘Operation
I laugh. This is hysterical. No!
it’s inconceivable. I’m ready!
I’m ready As Is! Come on!

See me as perfect!

Stop this continual tinkering!
really, I thought this was my week
to be of great servitude, not of
great solitude again

Yes … I see …
you are not the genie
make-three-wishes, kind
this is the mirror …

I have no more requests. I am ready to leave

my feline angel (15 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

a cat’s whisker passes me by
a second before I knew I needed
her; I spasm, inch myself to bed

my feline angel accompanies me
and composes herself on my covers
to stay the duration

she is next door neighbour’s
she is visiting
my hospital bed, all day if need

and need says yes
I, on my back, lie with her
she purrs and sleeps

with my pain
she tells me it’s alright
to lie in bed all day

at night she goes home
wishing me comfort
and she’s back the next day

early, climbs straight onto
my bed, I still have need of her.
I can pat her now, and

every time I pass my hand
over her full and nourished belly
I can feel the caverns of contentment

so completely sated in lying
in bed, in being adored
and knowing she’ll always, always

always she’ll be fed on time
this is my healing
I am touching cat consciousness

back (14 Nov 2009)

25 Jan

I thought I was going today
I was stepping through the door
  to find my way out

and yesterday I cried
when I said goodbye
I don’t think I’m ready

  but I’m leaving
there are adventures to
  show off

I was stepping out the door
and something collapsed
  around my heart

  supporting my breath
I am stabbed in the back
I’m demobilised, lying flat

unsure of my new mechanics
how do I move without
  any of my known functions

it’s safer
just to surrender to my bed
I’m needing here, severed memories

bind me to this place, the decision
was made for me –
I’m not leaving yet

I’m back, flat on my back and wondering what’s next?

dear pilgrim (10 Nov 2009)

25 Jan

thank you for your restless spirit
      dear pilgrim
that every day moves you
  as a shooting star
towards Today when we meet
  in Abadiania
so far from any birth place
yet at the centre of our home

Thank you for walking by
      dear pilgrim
thank you for seeing me as a flower
thank you for carrying God’s
  water can
your words are the rain
in one shower you help me grow

and I think this is because
you are walking in every man’s shoes
to feel what he feels
to know when to laugh
and at the end, you complement
  your journey and companions
as a dear brother and sister
brought into your heart

thank you for singing
      dear pilgrim
the journeys of your heart
thank you for sprinkling joy
  into our stories
and playing them back
  pure and angelic
thank you, dear pilgrim, thank you
  for coming into our home

empty me (7 Nov 2009)

25 Jan

watch me disappear
  body, mind, soul
under a cascading
  cacuera (waterfall)

a deep spring drowning
to start again
all over
and empty me

empty me
empty me
empty me

watch me disappear
  body, mind, soul
aching to be freed
to follow the light up there

fill me up
  bring new light
new love for this heart
and empty me

the deepest you’ve ever been (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

you think you forgive
you think it ten thousand times
and say it aloud, a ritual
  of meaning

you think it complete and
true in your heart – I forgive
  you – it’s sincere, punctured
into so many prayers. You think
  you forgive.

Only, you know how every real
  estrangement feels
in every second of every prayer
how a lid contains the real pain

  that God is separate from me
  that Love is divided from me

this is the deepest you’ve ever been

because somewhere
  in one of those prayers
you find yourself
  defenceless

vulnerability that needn’t
  surrender because
  there’s nothing left
  to give or loose

you find yourself
  sad and worthless
  and shrivelling
in wonder at how much
  you deny

  God and love
and light and grace
and in that prayer
you find forgiveness is

  a by-product, an accident
that happens in love
  an accident destined
before you ever knew to ask

forgiveness (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

I was a little surprised
to see you could still fit
  in my heart

I thought you well and truly
  banished
those old I Love You’s

  seed deep, they never
actually leave, they never
intended to change my life

either. It’s a simple truth
  every love transforms
into itself again, the divine

holds and forgives
the deepest and silliest
  sorrows, yes this parched

heart can hold so much more
than I ever knew
existed

to find you still here
(in my heart)
shows how truly vast love is

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