Tag Archives: dispair

violation shared (11 Sept 2011)

9 Dec

At 14 she experience a kind of violence
that no girl should ever know.

There was alcohol and
a lack of adult supervision
and a boy
who wanted something
without asking first.

Did he feel entitled?
Did he see the pleasure
in front of him, like a skirt
riding shorter
as a means of relief
from his own loneliness?

Desire burnt away compassion
and at the expense of all else
he stole the gratification
of then and there.

Did he know in that short moment
his act would imprint a death
an aching loss
of breath, a hatred that would burn
inward and inward
until every cell poisoned itself
and her hair would hang limp
and her legs would bled
the damage.

Did he know she scratched her skin
knowing no beauty
and she hated the violence
like she hated the blood
from her womb.

She never forgave
She never forgot
She told the story
over and over to reference her pain
in this world like a marker on a map

She diminished herself and she forgot what she created.

She forgot, because she would not
have acted so violently
if she’d remembered.

Did she feel entitled?
Did she see the pleasure in front of her?
Like the answer to all her pain?
Her loneliness. The relief of
then and there. The gratification
of her dreams in that instant
burning away compassion.

Did she know in that long moment
her desires would burn a new death
an aching loss as a wedding ring
and a sacred promise fell off his finger
for good. Did she know she ripped
my womb from me? Did she know
the barren world she cast me in to?

Did she know she stole what was most sacred to me,

most fragile…

in marriage

But that hate had reason to return, those dark clouds lay in waiting and the shame brought
no light.

… I wonder why she could not have asked first
Why she could not have consented
to wait …

But she learned from violence
and she dropped those same
stones in the ocean. A tidal wave
is a tidal wave

and she is no better
or worse
that the man who wronged her.

She is oblivious in her
realisation of pleasure

because she has shown
she can do to others
what others have done to her.

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city gale (12 Aug 2011)

13 Oct

I am walking
city gale
my eyes sting
red, my lungs
are screaming
a pack of dogs

strangers can’t see
the wind whipping
through me
killing the animal
that learnt how to love
and live in these streets

melt down (01 Aug 2011)

7 Oct

I stuff a scarf into my mouth
and a pillow into my face
I don’t want to alarm the neighbours

everything is wet by the end

stranger (01 Aug 2011)

2 Oct

I can not lay this pain
aside

I heave and I heave
for one breath of peace

I am on the floor
beside the toilet

the full length mirror in front

and when I look at her

I am the stranger
to all that is before me

fear in living (7 July 2010)

10 Jul

he says; there is more fear in living
like one atom, one chromosome
slid away from Everything
and in this, he lost a crucial memory

and if the last breath were to resolve
as a chant resolves into nothingness
like a dying cinder of unity
and placed between his lips

and if he were told, this breath
in, or the absence of, holds the secret
of all connections, how fragile it is then
to live not knowing

how frightening to forget
he was ever connected
nor knowing if ever he will be again
in this life time

touched (15 April 2010)

29 Jun

we can cry for a baby mouse
disable in the chase of cat n mouse
and we can cry for our broken

dream where it feels like
the universe has taken sides
  against us

it is the same open heart that cries
allowing compassion
to show how truly vast

our heart has become

thank you for sharing (Oriah)
the cracks in your heart
shed light into thousands and

I am touched by your perfectness

no thing (24 Dec 2007)

22 Aug

there is only nothing
to be obtained
nothing to be got

nothing to be felt
nothing that can be divided
(as if I had anything to do with it)

This, that I have gazed upon
pointed my arrow to
and found myself travelling

within a place never in my grasp
like a direction that can not point
to itself, like a sunbeam sitting on a mirror

it all leaves me

nothing
and everything
hiding from
     separation

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