Tag Archives: forgiveness

violation shared (11 Sept 2011)

9 Dec

At 14 she experience a kind of violence
that no girl should ever know.

There was alcohol and
a lack of adult supervision
and a boy
who wanted something
without asking first.

Did he feel entitled?
Did he see the pleasure
in front of him, like a skirt
riding shorter
as a means of relief
from his own loneliness?

Desire burnt away compassion
and at the expense of all else
he stole the gratification
of then and there.

Did he know in that short moment
his act would imprint a death
an aching loss
of breath, a hatred that would burn
inward and inward
until every cell poisoned itself
and her hair would hang limp
and her legs would bled
the damage.

Did he know she scratched her skin
knowing no beauty
and she hated the violence
like she hated the blood
from her womb.

She never forgave
She never forgot
She told the story
over and over to reference her pain
in this world like a marker on a map

She diminished herself and she forgot what she created.

She forgot, because she would not
have acted so violently
if she’d remembered.

Did she feel entitled?
Did she see the pleasure in front of her?
Like the answer to all her pain?
Her loneliness. The relief of
then and there. The gratification
of her dreams in that instant
burning away compassion.

Did she know in that long moment
her desires would burn a new death
an aching loss as a wedding ring
and a sacred promise fell off his finger
for good. Did she know she ripped
my womb from me? Did she know
the barren world she cast me in to?

Did she know she stole what was most sacred to me,

most fragile…

in marriage

But that hate had reason to return, those dark clouds lay in waiting and the shame brought
no light.

… I wonder why she could not have asked first
Why she could not have consented
to wait …

But she learned from violence
and she dropped those same
stones in the ocean. A tidal wave
is a tidal wave

and she is no better
or worse
that the man who wronged her.

She is oblivious in her
realisation of pleasure

because she has shown
she can do to others
what others have done to her.

make up sleep (16 July 2010)

27 Aug

dissipating
  the way a fight does
when your lover rolls over
in his sleep
and places his hand
on your thigh

in that gesture
a nuzzling in to the small
of your back
and breath sleeping
into your neck

all is as it should be
what came before
ceases to be

the deepest you’ve ever been (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

you think you forgive
you think it ten thousand times
and say it aloud, a ritual
  of meaning

you think it complete and
true in your heart – I forgive
  you – it’s sincere, punctured
into so many prayers. You think
  you forgive.

Only, you know how every real
  estrangement feels
in every second of every prayer
how a lid contains the real pain

  that God is separate from me
  that Love is divided from me

this is the deepest you’ve ever been

because somewhere
  in one of those prayers
you find yourself
  defenceless

vulnerability that needn’t
  surrender because
  there’s nothing left
  to give or loose

you find yourself
  sad and worthless
  and shrivelling
in wonder at how much
  you deny

  God and love
and light and grace
and in that prayer
you find forgiveness is

  a by-product, an accident
that happens in love
  an accident destined
before you ever knew to ask

forgiveness (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

I was a little surprised
to see you could still fit
  in my heart

I thought you well and truly
  banished
those old I Love You’s

  seed deep, they never
actually leave, they never
intended to change my life

either. It’s a simple truth
  every love transforms
into itself again, the divine

holds and forgives
the deepest and silliest
  sorrows, yes this parched

heart can hold so much more
than I ever knew
existed

to find you still here
(in my heart)
shows how truly vast love is

a piece of you (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

connecting
everything I see
to the One

it’s freedom to be here
it’s freedom to be seen
  like music following
  it’s heart

there’s no story anymore
everything has past
there’s gonna be space
  to float

there’s grace on board
always has been
  music following it’s heart

and
a piece of you
is connecting everything
I see to the One

there are countless stars
countless miracles
  that scar

how I got here
  took many life times
these days I’m connecting
  everything
they all belong to the One

a piece of you is part
of that infinite
  masterpiece

I designed it in heaven
I know it off by heart

and now
I’m connecting everything
I see to the One

Yes a piece of you
made this story come true
a piece of you stays
  in my heart

surviving each other (30 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

there’s a tender soul
opening the door
without a word

you are instantaneous
no sooner after the pencil
  starts forgiving

you come so beautifully
artfully, ardently into
my arms, and I, in yours

no words spoken, no words lost
this is the way we
survive

in silence, it’s easy to surrender
this is how we love
each other

as tender and tussling waves into
the other and into the
  wider ocean

the shock (1 Dec 2008)

22 Sep

it was more the shock
like I fell in the middle
of an angry midstream
gesture and there was my face
whacking into the back of your hand

it was more a shock
tactic of movement
concentrating all our frustrations
into a single point, a single second
dissolving on the bed
in a heap, face covered
in hair, in tears
coming from somewhere much deeper
than time could dig up

it was the most natural affair
to be crumpled together
abandoning who’s right and who’s wrong
and this doesn’t fit and maybe it could
have been done this way and feeling
so far away from our centres
and to see that our hearts
could not tolerate

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