Tag Archives: loss

waking up (7 Dec 2011)

24 Jan

waking up from this fantasy
left open wounds, constant bleeding
I never knew if life or death
was more appealing

I never knew what I was capable of

pain, like that of an unborn child
can have no name, no face
and yet it cuts the deepest
loss of all

what am I following? (7 Dec 2011)

24 Jan

what am I following?

the wind is too strong
the sun is too bright
the sea is enormous

I can only sing to the earth
each day is new, and each day is my last

violation shared (11 Sept 2011)

9 Dec

At 14 she experience a kind of violence
that no girl should ever know.

There was alcohol and
a lack of adult supervision
and a boy
who wanted something
without asking first.

Did he feel entitled?
Did he see the pleasure
in front of him, like a skirt
riding shorter
as a means of relief
from his own loneliness?

Desire burnt away compassion
and at the expense of all else
he stole the gratification
of then and there.

Did he know in that short moment
his act would imprint a death
an aching loss
of breath, a hatred that would burn
inward and inward
until every cell poisoned itself
and her hair would hang limp
and her legs would bled
the damage.

Did he know she scratched her skin
knowing no beauty
and she hated the violence
like she hated the blood
from her womb.

She never forgave
She never forgot
She told the story
over and over to reference her pain
in this world like a marker on a map

She diminished herself and she forgot what she created.

She forgot, because she would not
have acted so violently
if she’d remembered.

Did she feel entitled?
Did she see the pleasure in front of her?
Like the answer to all her pain?
Her loneliness. The relief of
then and there. The gratification
of her dreams in that instant
burning away compassion.

Did she know in that long moment
her desires would burn a new death
an aching loss as a wedding ring
and a sacred promise fell off his finger
for good. Did she know she ripped
my womb from me? Did she know
the barren world she cast me in to?

Did she know she stole what was most sacred to me,

most fragile…

in marriage

But that hate had reason to return, those dark clouds lay in waiting and the shame brought
no light.

… I wonder why she could not have asked first
Why she could not have consented
to wait …

But she learned from violence
and she dropped those same
stones in the ocean. A tidal wave
is a tidal wave

and she is no better
or worse
that the man who wronged her.

She is oblivious in her
realisation of pleasure

because she has shown
she can do to others
what others have done to her.

city gale (12 Aug 2011)

13 Oct

I am walking
city gale
my eyes sting
red, my lungs
are screaming
a pack of dogs

strangers can’t see
the wind whipping
through me
killing the animal
that learnt how to love
and live in these streets

contract (Aug 2011)

7 Oct

What contract did your soul sign
that wanted to hurt me so much?

what love did I need
that could penetrate so deep?

each wave strikes me (17 July 2011)

30 Sep

I ran to the edge, boulders
marking safe from peril

I slipped down the face
momentum dropping me

near the white cracks of sea

white is a colour
that looms from darkness

those fingers reach out
clawing

those hands could grab my feet
taking me

taking everything from me

I am the scream
that cannot echo

amongst the waves, sound
drowns

each wave strikes me
I feel the pull of death

uncertainty (13 March 2011)

23 Aug

I am standing
on the precipice
looking

the tidal wave is slower
than you think
but the momentum

the momentum … how is it
that chaos sounds so deep
like the earth

the earth shifted
into a completely new
configuration

I remember the first time
death met me –
losing a best friend

can make a religion crumble
and all prayers
meaningless

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