Tag Archives: rebirthing

fear (February 2006)

20 May

I am paralysed by fear
unwilling, unable to draw breath
retiring to unconsciousness

I sought my heart’s longings
and found something I can’t have.
No longer tip-toeing

but stamping my feet
  my desire can’t be met
oh the ache as my body

  takes flight
muscles suspended in contractions
  resisting and blocking

  cramping, aching, hurting
my skin can no longer feel pain
every fibre is clenched

and draws the attention
when you touch me
  it triggers a breath

a sob, caught in the throat
  pierced in two
  and soaked in emotion

the sorrow of breathing
  the fear of life
parting from my soul with

  each saturated gasp
but slowly drawing a rhythm
an acceptance of my sentimental scales

  out of balance
  in balance
  who cares

scales of acceptance
  at the life I have been thrown
  at the life I own

and take responsibility for
connecting with your pain
  and mirroring mine

manifesting an unreturned love
  for the future,
  here my fears play out

when all I need to do
  is identify what’s yours
  what’s mine

and chose to accept
  my longing
  as an enriched path

  my fear
  as the sedative.
Oh the power of the decision

  it is mine to command
  it is mine to offer healing
  and mine to accept

Your healing hands touch me
my body shudders, releases
  shudders and expels

levitating or not
I am in a higher self
my form uncontrolled

my shadow dancing
  and tingling
my outline hazy

as I transcend what is blocked
  in me
My face is dried with emotion

  layers of wind swept tears
and I am at the point of exhaustion
at the point of refreshed

  the fine balance
  that sustains and clears
not a precarious place to be

rather, one that I embrace
  to remember
  to remember

sorrow (February 2006)

18 May

the breath of experience
pushes me through
it’s safe to let go

in God’s hands now
in God’s breath
the vivid portrait

of my guide, the one I love
flashes before me
as waterfalls

so clean, so clear, so pure
rush all around
all over me

I lose hold
slipping through fingers
the sediments of sorrow

the realisation I have before me
the temporary arms of a lover
gone and divided

I embrace you, more than you
I circle your heart, cupping
something I want

I want to remember your shape
so I can continue this
embrace, this hold

until I am ready to let you go

wonderland (February 2006)

18 May

I am at peace
and curious
aware of my body

as it flushes
and purifies
I am in a state of being

present to my self
and entering the
lapping waves

subtle but promising
oceans
that hold oceans

and tides leading to
sacred
movings

accepting and loving
awareness
I am my self again

leaving my body at the entrance of night
more curious
more at peace

the taurian (February 2006)

18 May

stubborn bull, slow to let go
again
no reason, I don’t know why

this energy so slow
to consume me
energise me

(it’s not like I fear it)
what exists in the fringes
holds me back

hurting my heart
it just wants to let go
of me, it wants me to say

engage the mouth, the tongue
form words
command pain!

it doesn’t have to be
this way you know
energy moves in all rhythms

the subtle south
massaging and opening
the form of oppression
~
I am here in my arms
I am burning with the fire
I am burning a hole in my heart
~

last night (November 2005)

14 Apr

you guide me to know my heart
as I’m standing at the threshold
seeking to enter

the venetian taxi
floating beneath the bridge of sighs
washing your way, the waves

when the fare is already paid
there is a moment of separation
– the unworthy bleeding heart –

and then I become
all that is
love

the coming together
like the immortal
being that I feel with you

love is not about a ‘one and only’
that has stranded many
it is all about the oneness

of spirit and soul and life
and all that is love
that oneness (with you) brings

spiral release (November 2005)

13 Apr

calling in our spiritual guides
for my last journey in awhile
a kind of sadness rests

for tomorrow’s goodbye
I lie down in fear
it’s all kind of sudden

and breathing is hard
I drop into the sleep of nothing
too soon giving up

too late to relax
in pure breath – I surrender
to my own resistance

arms screaming in the rigid zone
I’ve been here before
another goodbye

“Let them go” you say
(you are the voice)
the inspired unthinking, undoing

“Let your arms go, and hold your power”
(you are the voice) my mantra
my spiral release

unwinding all limbo
unwinding all fear
reclaiming all honesty

this is my power to hold
this is my self to reclaim
this is beyond my mind(control)

surrender (November 2005)

13 Apr

strangled hold from within
lungs craving the vibrations
that the ears have fought to ignore

I cry because I am trapped
arms pinned at my side
stuck and joyless

like my mother
and her life she chose
turns out I repeated her patterns

sacrifice and misery
in the name of love
in the name of unity

bringing disharmony to my soul
the tension in my being
won’t let me go

until I decide
I’m desperate to change this hold
make it stop

and I will be so bold
an act that can never be turned back
the space I hold

can not be contained
now or ever I must go
I must go

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